Gum on My Shoe-Updated

Full disclaimer: The four paragraphs below are from 2-16-2018. The blog is from my earlier writing after leaving my EX-partner, not my X-Hub. X-Hub is the father of my children and never mistreated me.

When the person you once loved refuses to accept life with them has become “Gum on your shoe” how do you escape? This is my experience and the current climate for me. Loving someone should never hurt verbally, physically, emotionally or spiritually. Never place more value on material things to keep you in this vicious cycle. Charge each item to the “Game” of love.

The obsessive relationship I just ended has thrust me into blogging about this to help anyone living a nightmare. My X is sending me messages, calling and using material things I left behind trying to hoodwink me back into danger. He even tried to trick me into giving my location so he could send me flowers. Ummm, no thank you! My safety is worth staying alert to the aggressive behavior being forced upon me. I have blocked him in every way possible except email.

This method of contact is indisputable if and when the legal system has to get involved. My X is licensed to carry in 34 states, he works in law enforcement. I have shared my abuse with my family and close friends which has just angered him. My loving circle is very supportive because I am HAPPY, THANKFUL, GRATEFUL, AND BLESSED.

This EDUCATEDTROPHYWIFE believes there’s strength in numbers. Never allow anyone to groom you into believing you shouldn’t seek comfort, encouragement, support, protection, from the people who love you. Make the abuser ashamed!

Update 6-11-2023

The situation with my X-partner was a total opposite to the life I was leaving behind in my divorce. This person was obsessed with the possibility of a past relationship we shared in high school. I was chasing a hopeless dream of happiness, being a wife therefore denying the bitter truth, I’d put my chariot in reverse.

Desperately seeking freedom from a marriage that lacked the excitement, thrill and desire I craved, I bolted. Out of respect I left everything for X-Hub and our children who were in college. Was I thinking about all involved? Somewhat by leaving since I was unhappy and wanted to be free. After working at a 22 year marriage we did not have the same goals in mind any longer. We’ll put a pin in that for another blog and time, we’re processing my bolt into danger.

The love I had for my X-partner was lingering from unfinished business we had from our past connection. With him the fire in me burned again he touched my soul. His charismatic spirit, gentleman ways, the way he looked at me with burning passion in his eyes and tenderness was what I longed for, as my marriage sailed into the abyss. For me the marriage ended when we no longer cared how the other felt about singular decisions. How I escaped the disappointment of a 25 year relationship ending? Some believed it was with my X-partner, that’s nonsense.

He just came along at the right time, he’d been looking for me for years. We’d both moved from our home city, had families and somehow ended up seven miles from each other. Looking, dreaming and praying for someone to cross paths with you can become a manifestation, The Universe is infinite. Their most cunning representatives are plenty so beware. After a short time the rep will walk out the door and in comes the Dragon. Neither of us was able to see the dragon, each was dragging through the hills and valleys of life’s journey.

We had unpacked pain from hurt stacked up for years. This just was a recipe for disaster but we pushed through succumbing to the “Gum on My Shoe”. For him the thought of losing me again was driving him to spiral into a monstrous human he’d fought hard to destroy. Liquid courage allows one to speak freely, say things they later regret and then beat themselves up. For me the thought of being in another relationship where my concern is more for my partner than myself wasn’t an option. Nor would I be with someone with an Ike Turner mouth. Having the parents I did that would've ended awful.

Unfortunately his size and aggressive behavior was misunderstood but enough for me to make strategic moves. Before leaving him I did try to convince him we could have a long distance relationship if some changes were made, I did love him. Being separated would allow us to date, heal and put ourselves first. He didn’t want that. Then he changed his mind so I said Okay, we can date long distance. As the days shortened for me leaving the state he became very mean towards me. We no longer could laugh or communicate without him thinking I had something up my sleeve. That didn’t bother me since I move and love with good intentions.

The shit hit the fan the day before I left it was over my children. They wanted to come say goodbye to me and he blew up. Said “I don’t want them the fuck here!”. That made me turn into someone very dangerous. Understandably the work on myself out weighed his false courage so I just kept it moving. That night I couldn’t rest and had a ten hour drive the next day. Only a mother knows the storm she will battle for her children. Bringing forth life is a difficult task that requires grit, resilience and determination so be damned if you hurt my child.

In his delusional mind he swore he did not say these words. Nevertheless we ended with me driving away and seeing him in the rear view. My desire for healing through Shadow Work, I can fully understand after all this time how he became the Gum on My Shoe. He never stopped obsessively loving me and believed he owned me. My responsibility in it was that I ignored my father’s words about his character many years ago. After him I didn’t date again for two years, by choice. If you don’t know how to play Chess, please learn, it may save your life. My father taught me how to say, Checkmate!