Releasing The Toxic Friend

Full disclaimer: The first four paragraphs are from the original blog about my experience with toxic friends. My intention for posting this is for helping anyone that is experiencing such conflicts with someone they really love. The updated section of this blog is in real time. Someone I love asked me to share this… Story Time.

Do you have a friend or friends that you love? They make you laugh, you love spending time with them, your children are friends and you have been friends for years. You’ve been in their wedding, are their child’s godparent, partied, or traveled together. True blue to the end.... Then there’s the toxicity...

Even love has its boundaries and so do friendships. When you and a friend no longer have much in common because over time only you have grown and matured, times up on that relationship. If each time you converse with them they only have negative conversation, you have outgrown the friendship. This decision may have the friend believing you are mad or angry with them. That’s ridiculous.

Sadness may exist because the relationship could not continue to excel. This too shall pass. Humans learn from other’s experiences if they are not a Narcissist and tap dancing on Borderline Personality Disorder. People like this can not be reasoned with. THEEDUCATEDTROPHYWIFE has no time for such foolishness. I will eighty-six their asses quick! You hold the control of who and what you want in your Universe.

NEVER allow anyone to make you believe, your choice for mental wellness is the wrong decision. They do not have any remorse or guilt about the craziness they bring into your world. They love to be on the treadmill of mirroring, being ungrateful, believing they are helping, presuming weirdness, hating on your OTHER friends, thinking it’s ALL about them and just running down the friendship. Release their toxic selves and RUN! HA!

Note to a Former Friend

Hey “Former Friend”, my apologies for not having the time to speak with you. Since we've lost time together my life has moved forward with my passion. My boundaries are much stronger these days. I'm working hard on what gives me joy that's my self care, Black families advocacy, writing and being happy. My journey is different than yours, time does this too with relationships.

After everything I've lived through with my experience, environment and exposure it has taken many years of healing. Whatever my circumstances are from whatever past choices I've made I live with them. When I wrote out a list of people I knew would hang around throughout my hills and valleys you only lasted for one round of three questions. That's not a bad thing because out of the hundreds related and known the total is 36, my top people are 8 not including my children and their connections.

When you reached out I honestly thought you made behavioral changes and moved towards healing. You have chosen to be angry for things that are dragging your beautiful light into the abyss of darkness. The day we met you were not like this. Stuck in the full past of pain and hurt. You believe you're the victim, react as a child, regret helping people, downgrade your children, harbor hatred, are unappreciative, have anger issues and need mental healing.

I'm not in the mental space to help you, hear you or allow you to abandon me again. This is about my health, mental and spiritual growth. When you started therapy if you'd kept going maybe we could travel together. I've been in therapy since 1995 and literally have no fucks to give anyone who knows. We've talked about traveling and that made me so happy when we were going to New Orleans.

Your impulsive behavior is very dangerous for someone like me to travel with. Hell in my mind I'm on parole for THE REST OF MY LIFE! Thanks too MY PARENTS! Which by the way were REAL GANGSTERS‼️ And that's my truths. My parents were drug selling, using, fearless, IDGAF humans but they loved me. For that I will be forever GRATEFUL.

You don't recall saying some mean shit about my mother whom you never met. I forgive you and myself for allowing that to slide and continuing our friendship. That will never happen again because you don't care if you lose everything and everybody. I do. So before I allow your unhealed, untrustworthy, mean spirited, opinionated couch locked minded way of thinking to destroy my peace I'm going to kick rocks, move forward, stand down and keep it moving.

You want validation which I cannot give you. The five hours we talked on Friday was all I have. If you really want change, be the change you want.

I hope you find healing. Take care.