Watch Your Words

Working on yourself can be difficult… Ugggh… Why must it be this hard? Admitting past behaviors, choices, circles we followed and just poor decisions can be very hard to swallow. The taste is bitter, the pill is thick, the meat is tough but if you really want to change, swallow you must. It’s your own stew, RIGHT? You flavored just the way you like it. Yum… Did you though? Or has life, hurt, letdown, disgust, hate or jealousy put the kick in it? You know that Ghost Pepper hot shit!

Don’t worry you are not alone. There’s over 7.7 billion people in the world and a uncountable amount of DNA. That being said we all have awful things that have happened to us or someone we know. It’s apart of being human therefore we can not change some things. We can however change how we engage with other humans. We can change how we speak, think, project, cast, spit or shit on other people. In order to grow spiritually this is required, it’s hard work.

TheEducatedTrophyWife was a spoiled only child until I was 12 years old. There wasn’t anyone to share my toys with, candy, clothes or bedroom. My first cousins all had siblings within their age range, to play and fight with. They had each other’s backs and their parents lived until they were all at least over 30. This may seem normal for most, as it should be in a perfect world. If you grew up in a home with a mother and father that had stable minds, wallets and jobs you are fortunate. For some like me, our lives looked totally different which may have been the source of our dangerous behavior. Watch you words…

It may start with our slick mouths that will basically force you to respond. Fuck around and find out attitudes cause us to have a real FUCK YOU view. Without Fear. We did not come out the womb this way. The bags we carry sometimes are not ours but yet, we’re burdened with them. When my parents took me everywhere with them doing their criminal activities, what was I suppose to say “Nah, I don’t want too go”. I was three… Yes, I remember that far back. I have very vivid dreams about time spent with my parents on the New Jersey turnpike headed to Harlem. As an adult I see how the systemic practices and policies of this country played a part in my vulnerability. That topic will be covered in later blogs because the shit I witnessed, a child should never see nor experience.

A child’s mind is like a sponge taking in everything they see and hear. If that child is exposed to these types of situations over and over without a way to process it, they can become a terror as they grow older. Being in constant peril at a tender age can work two ways. You can gain courage, resilience and fortitude, trust me, you’ll need it. When combined with love, protection, comfort and encouragement from a loved one, you’d be my Kindred Sibling. Seem rare, it maybe…

Witnessing my parent's notorious lifestyles, has kept me out the clink, committed to my growth, able to admit when I’m wrong and moving forward. Working on healing my wounds have been long awaited and it’s been a hard 14 years! Yup! You read it right! Hell repairing ugly takes time, persistence as well as not giving a fuck what people think about how I handle my life. Dealing with being the black sheep, talked about, laughed at, called crazy and I still do what the fuck want. My life is mine and no one else’s. Maturity has been my friend in these past years and I deserve to be happy.