What the Eyes Say

Self Soulja!

If you’ve ever asked, “Why does Coach post in black & white sometimes?” Well, here’s why.

Life can be full of manipulation in people, in thoughts, in emotions. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the grateful all blend into a #shadowfusion of ego battles.

It’s a part of the bumpy ride called life. Photos can become mirrors; they show not just what we looked like, but what we felt.

The photo on the right was taken a few months before I filed for divorce.

In the beginning, I felt safe and nurtured; he validated my caring side. Over time, it flipped. I became the giver, he the receiver. I wanted structure and healing; he wanted escape and idealism.

He could observe emotions but couldn’t feel them. That’s what I now understand as intellectualizing pain. I nurture, he detached. I wanted depth; he wanted mental lightness. Eventually, I felt unseen, while he felt overwhelmed by my emotional gravity.

In that 2016 photo at 215 pounds I was preparing to free myself from a marriage that kept me in a constant triggered state. I didn’t recognize it then, but that was survival mode. One day I simply knew: this life isn’t mine. So, I left joyfully.

In choosing mental health and healing, here’s what I gained:

Discernment-I learned the difference between helping and over-functioning.

Boundaries-Avoidance taught me emotional sovereignty.

Value-I discovered that affirmation without accountability isn’t love.

Safety-I need calm, embodied partnership, not trauma, drama, or overthinking.

The man I’ll align with next will know affection that’s steady, not performative, service oriented but self aware.

Being a trauma survivor and now a coach has brought healing money can’t buy. Teaching others to face their shadows wasn’t part of my original plan hell, I was out here educating about human milk. But authenticity saved my life.

Those two photos remind me how my ego once lied about my reality. Childhood neglect, trauma, bullying, and abandonment all shaped my ego’s defenses. But I faced them.

My journey was hellish but I’m not a victim. I’m still standing, even when scapegoated, outcast, or misunderstood. My blunt nurturing and New York style boundaries were built for this moment to help others rise.

No regrets. None.

If we’re still connected, I send love, support, and hugs.

If not, you already know why. Chariots do go in reverse.

Quick note for the therapists who follow me: I’m all about love and light, but in my coaching, we reprogram that fluffy “forgiveness” narrative. I use Gestalt and CBT tools to make healing practical, not performative.

And to those who’ve done evil, hateful, or egregious things stay far away from the #hoodgoulash and #theeducatedtrophywife world. Some of you love toxic relationships. We as #selfsoulja know that’s a death sentence.

This new timeline is about breaking from Stockholm Syndrome, not romanticizing it. That’s a conversation for another day.